CHRISTIAN FOUNDATIONS FOR MARRIAGE

by DearestChristian - For christian singles moving on to marriage   

Leaving and Cleaving Part 2

In-Laws

Like it or not, marrying someone usually involves the formation of several relationships other than the husband-wife union. A person entering marriage automatically gains a father-in-law, a mother-in-laws, sister- or brother-in-law, plus a variety of extended family members related to your spouse. It is important that you understand that your relationship to your spouse may be largely affected by how well you get along with his/her family. Realistically, your spouse will likely reflect the values, attitudes, personality and behaviors that you observe in his/her parent and grandparent.

The relationship between the couple and their partner's families is one of the decisive factors for a successful marriage. Your partner's family need not be a curse or burden to your marriage; it could become a blessing to your marriage. It all depends on how you
are going to handle this relationship.

I. Basic Principle for In-law Relationship

Gen 2:24; Matt 19:5; Mark 10:8; Eph 5:31.

The word "leave" means more on emotional and psychological independence than physical separation.

II. Guidelines on Human-relationship

Rom 12:8 'If it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently - if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."

Heb 12:14-15 "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many."

Eph 4:31-32 "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.'

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III. Understand in-law family for a successful in-law relationship.

The following list is the abstract of H.N. Wright, So You're Getting Married, p.
236-239.

a. Recognise the importance of your partner's family early in your marriage.

b. Evaluate which customs from your family background you want and what new ones you would like to try or to establish.

c. Consider the needs of your in-laws at this time in their lives.

d. Treat your in-laws with the same consideration and respect that you give your friends.

e. When your in-laws show an interest in some area of your life and give advice, respond just as you would if a friend were giving you some advice.

f. Give your in-laws the benefit of the doubt.

g. Look for positive qualifies in your in-laws.

h. Give your in-laws time to adjust to the fact that you are now married.

i. If you want to give advice to your in-laws, it is usually best to wait until they ask for it.

j. Don't discuss your disagreements and your spouse's faults with your in-law.

k. Don't quote your family or hold them up as models to your in-law.

End of Section 3

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