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Dearest Christian



by DearestChristian - For christian singles moving on to marriage


Expections of Marriage Part 2


A. Different Expectations

Both you and your spouse will enter marriage with a set of expectations, some of which will be quite different from the other's. You may expect that the romance will never fade in your relationship; your spouse may not be naturally romantic.

B. Role Expectations

Each of you have expectations regarding roles you will play in the marriage. The woman may expect that she will have a career, and the household chores will be shared equally between herself and her husband. The man, however, may be somewhat traditional and may see cooking and cleaning as his wife's responsibility. Role expectations are not as clear cut as they once were.

It is important to take time to find out what these expectations are, which can be achieved, which are realistic and how to handle them when things do not go according to plans. (See Homework Exercise)


Our deepest needs are for:

1. Acceptance - We want to be truly loved and accepted as what we are.

2. Security - We want to feel safe and at peace.

3. Significance - We want to do something significant with our lives, make a
substantial impact, lasting positive impact on another person, which will give us a sense of purpose and worthiness.

When man fell into sin, he lost his sense of acceptance, security and significance, because he lost his relationship with His Creator who truly loved him and created him with a purpose.

Our spouse cannot meet these deep personal needs. Only Christ can. How?

1. He truly loves and accepts us (Rom. 5:8).

2. He gives His perfect peace. (Phil 4:7)

3. He has given us His Holy Spirit, and called us into significant work with Him for eternal rewards (to win others to Him and help build one another up in Christ) (Eph 2:1 0).



A. God Our Source

Our inner needs for acceptance, value, belonging, security and significance are met by God. God is in control. He has promised to do a "good work" in us and to complete us (Phil 1:6). We need to keep our eyes on God. When God meets our needs then we are able to meet the needs of one another.

B. Principle of Manipulation:

I expect my spouse to meet my needs, to make me feel good, to be accepted and to feel worthwhile. I control, influence, manage him/her to meet my own needs, regardless of his/her needs. Marriage was never meant to be bent to our individual purposes. It is a God-given opportunity to live out love and commitment to another human being for a lifetime.

C. Principle of Ministry:

He has called you to a special ministry to help your spouse fully experience and realise his/her worth and acceptance in Christ.

1. Take this time to remove the soft sand of wrong expectations and different concepts
so you can establish a foundation on Solid ground.

2. Covenant Love forms the Foundation where a couple make an unconditional commitment to an imperfect partner.

3. Spouses have to leave their parents and cleave to each other making their husband-wife relationship pre-eminent.

4. Expectations should not be get from each other what we need but the focus should be what can I give to my spouse and minister to his or her needs.

By wisdom a house is built
and through understanding it is established,
through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.

End of Section 4

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